My God, I got ambushed, AMBUSHED I tell' ya, by this gigantic grasshopper this afternoon as I was riding my bike, on my way to complete the last 2 term test papers.

Not this...


Or this...


But this!!!


Or this...err, without the frame of course...


It was friggin' freaky!!! The goddamn thing of the jurassic era was like the size of my palm!

I mean, I was just cycling along, innocently minding my own business and figuring how to wake myself up for the tests when I suddenly felt this heavy thing plop down onto my thigh. It felt kinda scratchy and prickly so I knew it was some kind of insect. But when I glanced down...

Holy contents-of-the-toilet-bowl!!! There it was, lime green with black splotches, all tall and erect as it stuck onto my thigh...

I screamed. Then looked up to catch my breath. Then glanced down again. And screamed again.
And I repeated this 3 to 4 times as I stood paralyzed on my bike.

I wanted to flick it away SO badly but the bloody thing was SO big - my hand refused to go near it. It was afraid of being eaten or something. So I sent my whole right leg into a series of violent spasms -I can only imagine what it would have looked like to any innocent passerby- to try to throw the thing off. It held on for a few seconds -ohh, the prickly feeling, ewww- before dropping off.

And away I zoomed, panting and smiling crazily. I even ignored the cyclist behind me who was ringing his bell. It was weird, I couldn't stop claiming God to be mine ("Oh my God!!!" You should have heard the number of times I said that) and couldn't stop grinning stupidly. Why, on earth, was I grinning in the first place?! Of course I cursed the shit out of the little bugger too.

Next time, don't give me coffee. I don't need no caffeine. Just throw a ginormous black and green grasshopper at me and I'll be wide awake.


*cough*

Labels: Musings