Star Stuff???
Bwah ha ha ha
It's more like the crap I ramble about...
Still wanna hear? ^^
Bwah ha ha ha
It's more like the crap I ramble about...
Still wanna hear? ^^
Labels: Joke
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Joke
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.
2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.
3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.
4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.
5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the "Power-wash" pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.
6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.
7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed it will be moving from the toilet to the front door.
8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.
With best wishes,
The Dog
And here are the photographs:
Labels: Joke
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said “WHAT????!!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went home. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT???!!!”
I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
Apparently, I’m not having sex tonight either.................."
Totally quoted... Obviously, the author is a sexist... ...
Labels: Joke
Labels: Musings
It can buy you a Bed,
But not Sleep.
It can buy you a Book,
But not Knowledge.
It can buy you a Position,
But not Respect.
It can buy you Blood,
But not Life.
So you see, money isn't everything. The best things in life can't be bought, and often we destroy ourselves trying!
I'm telling you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your needless pain and suffering...So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
A truer Friend than me you will never find.
CASH ONLY, PLEASE
Labels: Musings
Labels: Anime
Labels: Musings
Labels: Anime
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprise and shock now.
"How in heavens name did you find that out?"
And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
*sweatdrops*
Labels: Musings
Labels: Anime
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings
Labels: Musings